As Britain is beset by another mighty draught Boris Johnson announces plans to install double glazing.
“I was looking for an enormous building project that would allow me to leave my mark on the country, tell everyone in the world that we are serious about doing something and where I’d get to spaff enormous sums of money up the wall, it’s my favourite thing to do.” Said Boris.
Senior Civil Servant Sir Ian Napton (KPMG) explained that there were many benefits to the plan, the money spent would boost the nation’s economy, the draught would stop playing havoc with the country’s back and it would keep those bloody immigrants out.
Martin Lewis welcomed the scheme, pointing to the massive saving on heating bills. Unfortunately, The Woollen And Textile manufacturers are up in arms about the deal, claiming it would decimate their industry but as they were mostly Scottish, Mr Johnson said “Fu*k ‘em.”
Meanwhile, Heath Robinson, owner of the Double Glazing company overseeing the installation, said “I can tell you what will happen. Nothing! Nothing will get built, not a single pane of glass will be installed and we will make a couple of hundred million in feasibility studies, pre-payments and broken contract payments. Easiest money I’ve ever earned. Cheers to Boris!”
Stanley Johnson said “That’s my boy! It’s a much better idea than Donald’s ruddy wall.”
Meanwhile, the government continues.