Fri. Oct 23rd, 2020

As many as 300 senior citizens have been arrested in up dawn raids nationwide today by Special Branch squads.

The security services acted swiftly on the discovery of a plot to storm the Department of Health building in London and hold Health Secretary Matt Hancock hostage. 

Health Secretary, Matt Hancock announces lockdown plans

It’s believed the plan was hatched in response to the announcement of the government to intend ordering over 70’s to stay in under Covid-19 lockdown later than everyone else. 

Caches of knitting needles and other implements were found, plus a special unbreakable wool twine believed to be for tying Hancock to a commode. 

One 72 year old woman who, fought back from being arrested with gusto, injuring a female officer with a crochet needle in the process, was found to be hiding a ‘Peaky Blinder’ Zimmer frame with razors attached on the front.

The Queen
Gran on the warpath

A spokesperson for the security services stated…
“It was a coordinated operation fraught with potential danger. You have no idea what damage a thimble on experienced fingers can do, we’d have rather faced knuckle dusters”

A booking Sergeant at one of the designated holding cells described the chaos…
“It’s been a nightmare!… have you any idea what it’s like trying to deal with a load of angry rebellious Victor and Victoria Meldrews?”


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By bootslacey

Just hanging around, noticing stuff and writing about it.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!