Last night, the under-fire Prince Andrew appeared on ITV’s ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’. His spokesman said “We thought it would be a good way to get his message across, build popularity with the people and be easier than an interview with that awful Emily woman.”
However, things did not go according to plan.
The opening £100 question was, “Did you know Jeffrey was a nonce?”
Andrew opted to phone a friend. The call was answered by Liz from Windsor, who said “One doesn’t know anyone of that name, please don’t call here again.” While Donald from Washington claimed to “You ain’t seen me, right?”
The £200 question offered no relief “Did you join with Jeffrey, in the exploitation and abuse of young girls?”. Now, sweating profusely, he decided to ask the audience, who picked option A, ‘Definitely’. After stammering incoherently, an advert break and a meeting with his legal advisers, he asked Jeremy for his thoughts, “I don’t know you, I’ve never met you before and anyway, I was off playing cars at the time, but I think they’ve got you ‘bang to rights’. Final Answer.”
His last question was “What happens next?”, with the possible answers being; A, Mummy will save me. B, Go straight to Jail. C, An unfortunate accident in the shower with a shotgun and D, Give up my friends for immunity (see C).
With only one lifeline left, the computer took away two wrong answers, leaving options C and D. The Prince stood up, shouted “Oh, bollocks” and raced from the Millionaire studio. He was last seen hiding out at a Pizza Express in Woking.
Meanwhile the scandal continues.
Do you fancy writing for the 83rd Best Satire Site on the Internet?
Think you can write a better story? Why not give it a go? Send your fantastical tale to firstname.lastname@example.org
We look forward to hearing from you.