Mon. Sep 27th, 2021
Asylum Seekers

Reports that asylum seekers could have been sent to Ascension Island whilst waiting for their cases to be heard have turned out to be correct. Ascension was considered potentially suitable due to its location, some 4,000 miles from Dover. Only the logistics of shuttling people to and fro prevented the island from receiving the nod. 

Other locations have also been considered. The Falkland Islands was especially popular among senior Cabinet Ministers looking for a forthcoming 40th-anniversary celebration of the 1982 war. Distance proved problematic, again, despite the opportunity to aggravate Argentina. 

The Orkneys, The Shetlands and Anglesey were also in the running and very popular choices among Tories as they are all far enough from London. Interest in Anglesey wained, though, when it was pointed out that the island now has a Tory MP.

The Isle of Man was discounted because nobody wants asylum seekers that close to Tory cash. In the end, and following the further discounting of Burnley (asylum seekers refused to go there), Number 10 has settled on Calais.

It’s a tremendous place to house asylum seekers. It even has a Tesco.

Boris Johnson, Dominic Cummings spokesman

Meanwhile, the government continues.


By Colin

Colin is one of our more experienced writers, he is very fond of a cup of tea, a bourbon biscuit and a bit of a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Been noted to express disapproval with a hrrump!

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