The Met Police is concerned about the high number of online videos showing the Police’s racial abuse of black people. It will now train officers how to not get caught being racist.

“We are deeply sorry that middle-class white people are upset by videos showing what it’s like to be black and live in London. Obviously, it would be much better if they hadn’t seen what we get up to.”

The Chief Constable

Under the plan, officers will learn; how to ensure the victim’s mobile phone is out of sight, using the van to block onlookers and the real meaning of ‘behind the bike sheds’. Sessions include, learning what to do if you get caught being racist. This will cover the correct use of, ‘I stopped him/her/them because they were; wearing a loud shirt after dark, a man in Nuneaton smoked a joint or I just wanted to look inside the new Mercedes.’

The Police Self-Justification Unit has found no cause for concern in police behaviour. It denies using racial profiling but admits it is currently overworked. This means liberal media concerns are hurting poll numbers.

Therefore, Priti Patel is bringing in a new law to support the police. It will become an offence for a black person, or a white Guardian-reading liberal, to film racial abuse by police officers. “It doesn’t cost anything, nothing changes and The Daily Mail will love me!” said the Home Secretary.

Meanwhile, racism continues.