After being held back for 62 years, Donald Trump graduates to 3rd Grade, with distinction. His teachers claim few students have done so well at recognising simple things; People, Women, Men, Camera and TV. In fact Donnie Wonnie was so good at it, they gave him extra marks.

“I can’t stress how much work went into teaching Donald how to associate simple words with pictures. They said it was impossible, and that he was too stupid to learn anything of any use, but we proved them wrong. Next term we are going to be learning about animals!”

Billy-Bob Napton, School Principal

Offers of congratulation poured in from around the World. Vladimir Putin told President Trump that completing 3rd Grade counts as a positive at his annual review, and he would be in line for a bonus. Boris Johnson, meanwhile, asked if the study materials were available for Dominic Raab.  

Never shy, Donald Trump took to the airwaves to boast about his achievement. “They couldn’t believe how good I was. I did the remembering thing, with the things and then I did that thing with the letters. You know the thing they get you to do, the one where put the letters in order and they mean something. They’ve never seen such sorting. Soon we are going to do numbers. Did you know they are worth more the bigger they are?”

Meanwhile, the American Government continues.