Wed. Jan 27th, 2021
Trump to stand as a Loony

Professional Loony and The American President (sic), Donald J Trump, concedes defeat to Joe Biden.

The future Ex-President surprised onlookers by delivering his concession speech in the car park of Wolverhampton’s B&Q.

In his speech, President Trump acknowledged that the Democrats had manipulated the election much better than he had.

I tried to stop people voting; I got people off the electoral roll, closed post offices and mailboxes, and shut polling stations, but it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what Joe did, but he did it better than me. I guess that’s me done with America.

Honest Don

Trump also spoke about his future plans.

I own some really great golf courses in Britain, so I think I’ll go there. The Queen says I can stay in one of her castles, Buckingham Palace would be great. They love me over there; you should have seen the crowds when I went to London.

Lord Trump, Professional Delusionist

He also confirmed that he wanted to carry on with his political career.

You know, I’m a winner, even when I lose; I win, that’s just who I am. I do it better than anyone else. It is, what it is. So, I think I’m going to run for President of Britain; I’d like that. Did I say, “they love me over there”? they do. I’ve looked at their political parties, and I really like those guys at the Official Monster Raving Loony Party, so I am going to lead them. Apparently, I am a natural.

The Real Donald J Trump, Certifiable Loony

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party confirmed that Donald Trump’s membership was cancelled four years ago!

We’re loonies, not nutters!

Barmy Lord Brockman, Loony

It seems you can be too loony!


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By The Chatty Chump

Given his name by The Editor for good reason, although both parties refuse to speak of it. Lucky to still have a tyre swing.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!