Monkey News

The Government are to furlough the lack of opposition parties

As we head towards a “No Deal” BREXIT in the foaming wake of Don’s downfall, the UK Government is concerned that there could be a repeat performance of the Vicar’s Daughter’s bout of parliamentary paralysis that brought her dash through the Westminster wheat field to an inglorious end.

So, the great and the godless did what they do best and formed a clandestine Think Tank called the Devious Initiatives Committee; and it’s come up with the answer; furlough. We spoke with the head of the think tank.

We can’t have a repeat of the parliamentary pandemonium that toppled Thersa, it wouldn’t do; and our mole in Buck House let it be known that if we tried to pull the prorogation stunt again, we would be sent packing with our sweetbreads in a Fortnum’s pickle jar. We needed an elegant solution, and by jove, we have one: We shall furlough the opposition until March. It’s brilliant. We will be able to railroad our policies through like HS2 through a Site of Special Scientific Interest. A bonus is that we can put them all on 80% of their salary and use the savings to buy some more PR to offset the damage done by Sir Keir in PMQs

Sir Richard de Gigglestick, DIC Head.

So, there we have it. The future will no longer be Orange, or very bright.

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