Chatty Chimp News

It’s time for The Chatty Chimp to wander off in search of a new tyre swing

Sadly, the time has come to close down The Chatty Chimp.

It has been fun.

I’d like to say a big thank you to everyone who contributed, laughed, shared, and commented on our stories. It carried on far longer than it should have and did far more than I had any right to expect. As a last hurrah, I have taken the liberty of putting together a few words on the State of The Nation.

Somehow our country has gone mental. We have become a sorry excuse for a nation, corrupt, venal and populated by plastic patriots. Our leaders have abandoned all pretence of decency and principle, serving only to glorify and enrich themselves. Quite frankly, it is an embarrassment.

One pissed off Ape

Over the last ten years, we have seen a failure of both Government and Opposition. The Government’s failure arises through the election of well-mannered, well-educated, and above all, well-connected people. The trouble is this entitled band lacks intelligence, ability, and real-world experience. Complex problems, such as running the country, cannot be solved through the application of average intelligence. The inability to think through webs of cause and effect, action and reaction, leads to the evolution of crisis management. Our political class lurches from one crisis to the next, each time getting progressively worse.

But, I hear you cry, “What of the Opposition?”

They are no better, they fail in their duty to oppose.

Shambolic, inept, corrupt, shameless, self-serving, and uncaring, the Tories operate freely and unchecked. Each government is worse than the last, but incredibly, the bastards remain undefeated.

The Chatty Chimp

The Opposition, meanwhile, is engaged in an eternal struggle with their mortal enemies, the Opposition. More interested in in-fighting or being seen as a better socialist, they are willing to let the Tories stay in power forever. They prefer to play at politics and remain as ‘the Opposition’. This leaves them free to moan about how awful everything is, without having to do anything to fix it. Don’t they realise that this is our job?

As for the people, they now identify with their kidnappers. Stockholm Syndrome is rife, and the takeover is complete. With nothing left to fight with or for, no big ideas to get behind, or cause to champion, they remain lost. There is no supportable opposition leader, and, as a result, the clown-child rules. A liar, a cheat, a racist, sexist, elitist, over-privileged egotist, Boris is seen as the man of the people. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

The opposition fails to serve those who need it most, the people.

Our Prime Minister is known to be a liar and a con man. It’s all very well for the left to moan that he is fundamentally dishonest, but the nation knew that when it chose him. And they still thought he was the better option.

Dear Opposition, if you can’t beat this shower of shite after 10 years of scandal, incompetence and cronyism, you need to rethink your approach.

The Nation

Do the media have no say in this?

Yes, but not a good one. Sadly they only make the problem worse. The failure to challenge politicians who lie, to objectively report what is happening, and to explain why it matters, leaves the electorate under-educated and ill-informed. For most people, daily living is hard enough and, we rely on the information we are given to make our decisions. We shouldn’t have to spend hours doing our research.

We all know that we have a right-wing press, but this is a free country and they are private companies, they have the right to do what they do. Just as it is the right of The Chatty Chimp, to label them as; racist, fascist, hate-filled shite-rags, and to say, “Don’t Buy, The Daily Mail”.  No, the culpability of media collusion lies much closer to home, at the BBC.

Through The Beeb’s flagship news and current affairs coverage, they allow politicians to openly lie on National television. By not challenging and holding them to account, they are engaging in propaganda and legitimise their messages. The BBC’s perceived reputation lends credence to outright lies. The newscasters are now presenters, rather than journalists.

Before the last round of local elections, Laura Kuenssberg wrote a 2,500 word article on Boris Johnson’s relationship with the truth. It fails to mention his history of lies and portraying him as ‘Well, he’s Boris, that is how he is’. This wasn’t objective journalism, this was a courtier flattering her prince. Once again, it is an embarrassment. If the BBC fails to remain impartial, and given that the new DG donated £400,000 to the Tories, it remains unlikely that it will, then it serves no purpose. It is time to scrap the license fee.

But what role is left for satire?

Against this backdrop, with the Tories in power for at least another 10 years, where lies satire? Sadly, when it is most needed it’s teeth have been pulled. When standards mattered, and people cared, being mocked informed the discourse. Making the powerful into figures of ridicule was a valuable tool, but now, no one cares. How can you make this lot more ridiculous than they currently are? Our PM prides himself on his shambolic, chaotic and clown-like nature. He has crafted it into a badge of honour. We are all fucked.

Private Eye continues to carry the flag, still funny, challenging, informative and provocative. Hopefully, it won’t go the way of the dinosaur. As for the rest of the bunch, there is limited political satire left. Most have become Buzz Feed lists, endlessly chasing ad revenue, and offering such cutting insight ‘5 inspirational quotes for people who don’t believe in hippy bullshit or ‘5 men to have batshit mental celebrity crushes on’. I don’t hold out a lot of hope.

Sir Ian Hislop, wit, wag and bon viveur

So, that is it. one final rant about the state of the nation and off I trot.

As one The Chatty Chimp tee shirts says, Democracy, where you get the Government you deserve.

One last note; The shop will remain open, as will the Twitter and Facebook pages.

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