Mon. May 10th, 2021
Turn it off and on again

An anonymous government minister has reportedly the Turing test. Devised by Alan Turing in 1950, the test determines the ability of a machine to exhibit intelligent behaviour indistinguishable from that of a human.

The anonymous minister and Agrada (the mutant AI algorithm of the A level assessment fiasco) were both subjected to an interview by a journalist. The questions and answers were listened to by a panel of judges drawn from experts in the field of Artificial Intelligence and Britain’s Got Talent (a show which is largely artificial and devoid of intelligence as a control measure). Shockingly, 89% of the judges thought Agrada was human but 100% of the judges thought the minister was a machine.

It was really tough. Simon was completely taken in by Agrada and hit his golden buzzer; and when Agrada told us it’s heart… err CPU… rending story of being vilified by the press, we were all in tears.

Shaz, judge and Rock Star minder.

The minister concerned, who only participated on the condition that they would remain anonymous, was said to be concerned by the result.

I was sure that the judges would recognise my underlying humility, integrity and humanity. I used all my best sound bytes and even remembered to apply the five critical success factors for displaying empathy that nanny taught me.

Phallus Thick-Fogg, Minister of Money and Righteousness

The government is said to be stung by the result and has launched a £3.8M PR campaign to convince the public that they are human.

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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!