Mon. Jul 4th, 2022
OIrish Celebrations

The Guild of Fairies has issued a press release denying that Boris Johnson is a member of their organisation or is in any way associated with them.

Our attention has been drawn to a number of social media posts saying that Prime Minister Johnson is ‘away with the fairies’. This is a pernicious falsehood that is causing distress and damage to the fairy community. We totally reject that Mr Johnson is in any way associated with the fairy community, who apart from the occasional mischievous prank, are upstanding citizens.

Aine, Queen of the Fairies

It is understood that the wider magical community is behind the fairies on this issue. The Society of Unicorns has been particularly supportive.

People have to realise how damaging these stories can be. We Unicorns have somehow been associated with Brexit and Sunlit Uplands. Now we can’t get work anywhere because people just don’t believe in us anymore. One of our members had to cut his horn off and get a job giving pony rides on Blackpool beach to make ends meet. It’s tragic.

Mono Snoutspike, Professional Unicorn

We managed to arrange an interview with the Tooth Fairy by knocking out one of the Chimps teeth (it was loose anyway) and waiting until she appeared to collect it from under his straw pillow.

Business has been really bad. The kids are scared that if they leave their lost teeth under their pillow, Johnson will come to collect it and steal their pocket money.

Angeliki, The Tooth Fairy

By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!