High profile singer, Christian and bachelor, Sir Cliff Pritchard, has passed away, aged 78.

The singer, whose natural audience all died some thirty to forty years ago, continued to publish dreadful music until his untimely death. Music journalists have redefined the word “untimely” especially for Sir Cliff, to mean “at least twenty-five years too late.”

“We’ve lost so many music legends in the last few years,” said a spokesman for Radio Oldie. “Bowie, Lemmy, the bloke from Status Quo, and, of course, just recently, Clapham. Pritchard saw them all off, but we can hopefully look forward to Christmas now without risk of some Christian-themed crap clogging up the airwaves.”

Born Gary Webb, he was bullied mercilessly at school for favouring song and dance over more traditional school activities such as fighting and smoking. Aged nine, he joined his local church choir for singing practice, and was indoctrinated into a life of believing in fairy-tales.

A change of name, designed to put priests off the scent, followed, and Pritchard led a simple bachelor’s life, despite unfounded allegations to the contrary.

He leaves behind a huge catalogue of hits, some dubious Christmas number ones, a pile of unsold calendars and a Centre Court debenture ticket.