Monkey News

Emergency COBRA meeting called after a snowbound man was down to his last two tea-bags

Number 10 has confirmed the Prime Minister chaired a meeting of the Cobra Emergency Committee this morning after reports that a Financial Services worker, unable to commute into London due to snow, ran perilously low on teabags whilst working at home.

Ian Napton, who told us his job title but we can’t remember it because it sounded fearsomely dull, said, “I was bored working at my dining room table, which I tell everyone in London is my home office, so I shuffled off to the kitchen to make some tea, and when I lifted the lid on the tea caddy, there were only two teabags left. It’s at least 400 yards to the shop and there was a foot of snow outside, so I immediately alerted the internet and my wife, who was out in all weathers anyway. The next thing I knew, I had someone claiming to be from the Prime Minister’s Office on the phone. I assumed it was a prank from someone at work.”

Speculation is building in the media that Mr Napton has been hijacked by the Government who are desperate to convey they still have control of the country while trying to negotiate their way out of their Brexit nightmares. “Getting teabags to Mr Napton was high priority,” a spokeman for Number 10 confirmed, “but there will be no need for people to stockpile tea or any other commodity in anticipation of shortages. The supply chain is entirely under control.”

A spokesman for PG Tips said, “We’re selling so many boxes of tea, they can’t grow it fast enough.”

Brexit continues.

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