Sun. May 22nd, 2022
How quaint is this box?

An American tourist has contracted a rare disease after posing for a photo in a London telephone box.

Geoff Peters of Scottsdale was rushed to St Thomas Hospital last Friday evening after foolishly taking a photo inside one of London’s disgusting red telephone boxes. It is believed that he has contracted a strain of the McNamara virus, an autoimmune disease thought to be extinct since the 1980s. It would also appear that this would be the first time the phone box has been used since then and the virus had been safely contained within before Mr Peters decided to take a clichéd photo for his family WhatsApp.

Dr Susan Cole has reminded Londoners and tourists to “never, ever, touch one of those phone boxes. You don’t know what kind of disgusting people have used them, and if you’re still using them, please book an appointment with us immediately, either at A&E or the psychiatric ward.”

A 2017 report calculated that at least two people have died in the average London phone box, and a further twenty have been sick, defecated or drunk-dialled their exes in them on average per month. Jeremy Pittman of London Communications also insisted “don’t even go near them. It’s not worth it. They’ll steal your money and leave you smelling like Victoria Coach Station. Most importantly, though, don’t take photos inside them. You’ll be safer and you won’t look like a touristy-bellend on Instagram.”

Mr Peters is now stable after being prescribed bed rest, given antibiotics and had his phone’s photostream purged of any pictures of London which could be found on a T-shirt or gift shop magnet.

The phone box in question has also been finally been destroyed by anti-terror police in a controlled explosion after the first attempt failed due to reverse charges.


By Eden Luke McIntyre

Eden Luke McIntyre is a script writer, editor, sketch writer/performer, radio producer and all round scrivener. If you've any little job, project or gig that may utilise his talents ping an email to

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