Monkey News

Whitewash Spokesperson, Sarah Sanders, confirms Donald Trump was appointed by God

Appearing on one of the many God channels on American TV, Whitewash Spokesperson, Sandra Sanders revealed that God had ordained Donald as President. After all it was a miracle he got elected in the first place. 

This revelation came as no surprise to his many followers who believe that God had blessed Donald and given him the right to transgress any man made laws in the interests of furthering the Big G’s philosophies.

Famous for claiming to follow God’s holy word, Donald has been consistent in advocating all the things that his beloved God fearing, evangelistic, redneck disciples believe in – big families, anti-abortion, walls to keep out Hispanic drug dealers, guns, hamburgers, rapists, and hatred of the Democrats – particularly Hilary.

When asked about Donald frequently ignoring the 10 commandments, she replied by saying that God had given His permission for Donald to forget about any commandments he didn’t like.

So those about adultery, bearing false witness, stealing, and coveting ass or anything he didn’t own (including his wife, his wife’s friends, any passing stranger or any woman with Daddy issues) didn’t apply.

As for respecting the Sabbath, that was ok as long as he could play golf, eat MacDonald’s and watch TV. 

God said, “What? She said I said what? You mean the Big Orange Buffoon? Are you mad?”

Categories:Monkey News

Tagged as: , , ,