Sun. May 22nd, 2022
Apple iSock

Technology cult Apple has released this year’s must-have Xmas gift, the latest version of its iSock, the Bluetooth-enabled limb lifestyle enabler that really does make you a better person than everyone else.

Retailing at $1,599.99 the iSock is a multi-functional textile accessory that wraps like a second skin around your foot, keeping it warm while preventing blisters and adding fashion colour enhancement (black or brown) to the lower extremities.

This is far more than just hosiery for tomorrow

It will change your life permanently, like syphilis. Imagine walking into college or the office sporting your iSock and being able to sense that you are at last an adequate person, she said, noting that the sensation of ‘success’ requires a pair of iSocks.

Janice Person, Apple Spokesthing

While discreet in its understated cool, the Apple logo will instantly be noticed by your brainwashed friends, who will feel a familiar compulsion to join the mile-long queue from the Apple store on Regent Street to the bottom of Haymarket.

Asked what the Bluetooth functionality would be, Person replied:

Nothing. It’s a fucking sock. Now buy it.


By Orange Utahan

Orange Utahan lays claim to being the smartest ape in the house. Not sure if that means he's really bright or....

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!