Monkey Business

Southern Fail announce commemerative Brexit fare increase

With Brexit around the corner, Southern Fail have announced commemorative fare increases, effective from 11.50pm on 29 March.

Ian Napton, a company spokesman explained, “It’s all down to Brexit, I’m afraid. The company’s policy was that if we voted to leave the EU, fares would have to rise for the sake of the network’s financial stability in what will be an uncertain period. Whereas if we had voted to remain in the EU, fares would have had to have risen by the same amount due to the amount of Corporation Tax we pay which is then sent to Brussels on the Eurostar. We’re sure that commuters will understand that they voted for this fare increase.”

One commuter, who didn’t want to be named, added, “I’ve just found out that, on top of my regular season ticket, I’ve to pay £65 for a new Blue Travel Permit.”

When asked; Why commuters could not use their passports as travel ID, after all they were Blue, he responded, “It’s a different department, there would be all sort of data protection issues and we wouldn’t get to make more money out of commuters, without calling it a fare increase.”

A spokesman for the Reluctant Commuters Group, said, “We were going to recommend to our members that they save their £1,700 per month and buy a Porsche instead. Unfortunately, they’ve just threatened a 10% price increase.”

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