The new MP for St Mary Mead, the fictional setting of many of Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple novels, has set out a bold new platform on which he aims to catapult himself into the heart of the ongoing Brexit negotiations.
Mr Colin Woolderson, who has held the seat since 1893, when he won it in a game of Gin Rummy, announced his plans to the Chipping Cleghorn Gazette, “I have spoken to many of my constituents and what they want is much much less murder. After that, they’d like to maybe get rid of that nosy old bag who’s always poking around. Finally, we think it’s high time we decided what kind of Brexit we want.”
Woolderson explained, “What my constituents demand, unanimously, is a good Brexit, and so that is what I will be campaigning for. The country really needs to pull its socks up and realise that the only kind of Brexit that’s worth having is a damn jolly good one.”
Asked whether he was the man to deliver this ‘Good Brexit’, Woolderson was categorical, “Of course I am. I’m a fictional character. All the best Brexits are entirely fictitious.”
Unfortunately the interview was cut short when Mr Woolderson was poisoned by his maid, though it was at first thought to have been the work of his nephew, Thomas Sinclair, who was later found to drowned in his own bath-water.