For Sale, one careless lady ownerMonkey News

For Sale; Britain, one careful lady owner and a sh*t one

Great Britain has been bought on eBay for £10.50, by a Mr D Trump of Orange County, Florider.

The Advert read; For Sale; One country, slightly soiled, leans a bit to the right, dodgy runner. Feels a bit unloved and uncared for. She was an absolute stunner in her day. One careful lady owner for the last 65 years and a shit one for three. Nice retirement project for a handy pensioner who can fix things. Buyer collects.

Delighted with his new purchase, Trump has hinted that the U.K will become the 51st state of America.

Speaking profoundly he mused, ‘’I promise to make Britain great again. Those nice guys Farage and Johnson have promised to help me. We’ve got the specialist, of special friendships.’’

Although claiming to retain key national identities, Trump has revealed that the U.K will be renamed Great Trumpland with himself as King.

As part of his refurbishment plan he will open a chain of hotels; Trump Buckingham, Trump Westminster, Trump Balmoral, Trump Hull. Regents Park is to become a golf course and a statue of the great man will adorn Donald’s Column, which will be considerably reduced in size.

Sadly, Wales has been left out of the purchase bundle, as Trump declared Wales to be, ‘‘Just too Welsh and they speak kinda funny too.’

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