Tue. Jan 25th, 2022
Got ya, you bastard

Cricket, often considered an elitist sport has now become so diversified that a former state school pupil has joined the national team, albeit as Waterboy.

In order to broaden the games appeal, the ECB have allowed a non-Public School boy to become associated with the team. The appointment of Ian Napton, formerly of Knappers Comprehensive, Birmingham, marks a significant attitudinal change within the cricket establishment.

As State Schools focus on teaching children not to eat crayons, cricket has all but died out. Nowadays English cricketers are privately educated, which many say account’s for their dismal performances.

An ECB spokesman said “This is a bold experiment, but we have to try something to improve results. If we don’t start winning with this Napton fellow in the team, we still have Giles Giles (Jnr) on standby. He was a very promising Waterboy at Eton and by all accounts is a very sound chap.”

Not without controversy, this PC exercise in positive discrimination has led to Giles Giles’s parents sending a strongly worded letter of disappointment to the Chairman of the ECB informing him he wouldn’t be welcome at cousin Flora’s wedding in August.

The Chairman was unmoved by the withdrawal of the invitation, stating ‘It’s important cricket is seen to keep apace with the modern world, and they should remember he’s not actually going to play. I didn’t like Flora anyway.’

England are currently favourite for the 2019 Cricket World Cup, where they have home advantage and are expected to finish last.


By Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!