Police were called to free a Mr Softee salesman, after he was trapped in his van by an angry mob.

Nigel Farage was selling his Mr Softee ice-cream, outside Rochester Castle when he was besieged by angry protesters, waving milkshakes. Apparently, the crowd had mistaken him for a politician doing a publicity stunt.

One of the demonstrators, Ian Napton explained “It was all a bit unfortunate really. There’s been a recent trend of pelting fascists with milkshakes in order to show how unpleasant we find their views. A cry had gone up that there was a right-wing nut job in the area and I thought well, why not join in? Something to tell the kids about, isn’t it?”

Unfortunately, the crowd had got it wrong, Mr Farage was not a politician. He was just a self-employed businessman trying to make a living, peddling insubstantial and unsatisfying shit to the general public.

The harassed Mr Softee vendor was suitably distressed after being trapped in his vehicle, by the milkshake wielding crowd. “I was really scared, there was this crowd of people out there, all laughing, joking and getting on with each other, it was terrifying. Once they realised they’d made a mistake we all had a laugh about it. It ended well, I sold out and made a packet for very little work. Just goes to show.” said Nigel.

Police have asked if everyone could stop throwing milkshakes at fascists, whilst it’s funny the paperwork is really piling up.