A controversial venue choice has led to bitter outrage and furious condemnation for the organisers of the Rumbelows Coca-Cola Littlewoods Challenge Over-sugared Carabao Soft Drink Championship. The draw for Round 1 of the trophy (which led to such mouth-watering pairings as Grimsby v Doncaster and Blackpool v Macclesfield) took place in the Colindale branch of Morrison’s on Thursday evening.

“I am absolutely outraged” said Antonio Guterres, present General Secretary of the United Nations, “I had been planning a massive drinks do next time I was in London and someone had told me the Colindale branch had a bloody good meat counter. But now you won’t be able to move for tourists wanting a photo where John Barnes pulled out Tranmere Rovers’ home tie with Hull.”

“We were actually rather pleased” said John Bailey, Chairman of the Academy Awards Board of Governors, “We saw it as a kind of test-event. We’ve been looking to move the Academy Awards around a bit more, like playing Barcelona v Getafe in the middle of the Atlantic, and we had been hard-pressed to choose between the Colindale Morrisons and the ASDA down in Walthamstow, this has really helped us make up our minds.”

Some in the EFL were concerned about the effect this might have on the reputation of the competition, “I just worry that no-one’s going to buy it. Morrisons? We’re a Poundstretcher competition at best. Leave the major supermarkets for the Champions League draw, Ballon d’Or and all that rubbish. There’s a lovely Chicken Palace down my road, that’s where I’d have done it.”