Donald Trump has responded to accusations, contained in an email sent by Britain’s top diplomat, that he is inept.

In a tweet, The President explained that he wasn’t in Ept, furthermore he had never been to Ept, he’d never heard of Ept and it was the last place he would ever ‘fuckin’’ go, he doesn’t even like pyramids. Before adding that this appears to be more Fake News, designed to put him ‘in Dutch’ with his wife.

His spokesperson claimed that over the period in question Mr Trump had visited the McDonalds branch in Washington and played a round or two at his golf club. Where, incidentally, he had thrashed a certain Mr T Woods.

The Eptians were being diplomatic about the whole affair. They confirmed that as far as they were concerned, if Donald says he wasn’t in Ept, then that was ‘nobody’s business but his own”.  They were always happy for Mr Trump to stay in Ept.

The Ambassador at the centre of the storm, Sir Kim Darroch, apologised for the security lapse. Apparently, he hadn’t meant to give away any state secrets, when he used his private BTOpenworld email.

The Prime Minister has said that Sir Kim Darroch enjoys her full and unequivocal support. “He’s a very competent and able ambassador and enjoys my full confidence.” she said, with more than the hint of an ironic smile.

His Excellency said, “Hang on, I’ll get my coat!”