Monkey Business

Donald Trump Opens A New Hotel And Golf Course – On The Moon

The news comes after Mr Trump announced through his official channel – Twitter – that he is planning on opening the Trump Intergalactic Luxury Collection Resort and Golf Course on Earth’s Moon in January of 2020.

“Yeah, sure, we know it’s an ambitious project, but the Russians have had a Moonbase for, like, years, and Apple has one, and the Pope has one, so I want a hotel. And a golf course. That’s not a lot to ask”

The idea came to me in a dream, via one of my interns,” the President continued, “And I was thinking about this great book someone once read to me – it was called ‘Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator’ and they had a space hotel, so how come I don’t?”

Already, the Trump Intergalactic is proving popular with celebrities and businesspeople on Earth who have too much money, with most of its two-hundred rooms already being reserved for next year. Unfazed by the location of the hotel, most guests have been noting that the Moonbase is actually the second-most remote of Trump’s hotel locations, after Turnberry in Scotland.

Not content with being a tw*t exclusively on Earth, the former reality TV star has his sights set for pissing off the rest of the galaxy as well.

Steven P’D’dggzz of Hydra, the Fifth Moon of Pluto, wrote to us, “Already my family are being told we need to vacate our bio-dome so Mr Trump can build a car park. Which is a bit f*cking stupid because you don’t get cars in space.”

The Trump Space Golf Course is set to be constructed in the coming months following some delays and disputes from Mr Trump that many of the workers are illegal aliens.