In an unexpected turn of events, Prince Andrew is now the favourite to become the next prime minister.
“It’s obvious,” voter Ian Napton, told us. “He’s more trustworthy than Boris Johnson.”
Challenged on whether the Duke of York is always truthful, Napton said, “Well I wouldn’t play golf with him, but let’s face it, compared to Boris, he’s a saint. I’ve got more chance of becoming PM than Corbyn, so it’s down to Boris or Andrew now.”
The assertion that Boris isn’t entirely trustworthy should be stinging, but it appears he has shrugged all such criticisms off. “Bwah. Nanny always told me not to listen to people who say bad things about me. As long as what I say and do suits me and my rich friends, we’ll all be fine.”
“The doomsters, the gloomsters, the naysayers, they’ll all be proven right again. But the truth won’t stop me from becoming prime minister with a delicious majority packed full of blood-thirsty Tories. We went to Eton. The world is ours. My friend Jacob taught me that.”
The Duke of York himself was unavailable for comment, although his Office seemed unaware of this latest rise in popularity. “His Royal Highness has always wished to excel in public service, as has been demonstrated by his long career in engaging with the world’s most prominent business people in some of the finest restaurants and private mansions known to mankind, even if some of them did turn out to be unbecoming in their behaviour. We are very confident he’d make a better prime minister than somebody who lied to Her Majesty.”
Meanwhile, the General Election continues.