Thu. Jul 7th, 2022

Ian Napton, a Bin Man from Hastings managed to sneak into his local Waitrose, shocking their regular customers.

Waitrose Spokesman, Neil Jackson, said, “We would like to apologise to all of our customers for the presence of an unskilled manual worker in the store. We understand that some shoppers were disturbed by the experience. We would like to reassure our customers that we have increased security and don’t expect a repetition of this distressing behaviour.”

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Last Friday Ian was partway through his bin round when, feeling peckish, he snuck into Waitrose for a pie.

Whilst the security guard was distracted by an elderly gentleman in red cords looking for Triple Aged Andalusian Goats Cheese with Cracked Black Pepper, Ian made his way to Baked Goods.

Mr Napton explained, “I’ve never been to a Waitrose before, I normally do Lidl. I couldn’t believe how neat and tidy it was. There were all these nicely dressed people, smiling and talking to each other, no-one was in leggings, it was a different world.”

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One distressed shopper, Giles Giles, confronted the interloper, “I asked the damn fellow what he thought he was doing here, apparently he was buying a pie. I suggested Greggs may be more appropriate but before the fellow could respond, security came and escorted him from the building. It was all rather unpleasant.”

The cheek of someone like that coming in here!

Reflecting on his experience, Mr Napton said, “To be honest I’m glad to be out of there, they wanted £4.50 for a mouthful of pie.”

 To the satisfaction of both parties, Mr Napton won’t be returning to the store.


By Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

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