Tue. Oct 20th, 2020
SUV in traffic

A prestigious car manufacturer, has been forced to issue pre-sale agreements, following embarrassment, when a novice owner, gave way to an oncoming, ‘inferior’ vehicle. 

What do you mean, inferior?

Outraged SUV alliance members, witnessed in horror, as Ian Napton not only ‘allowed the handbag-style car’ through but also acknowledged the ‘blue collar worker’, with what could only be described as a ‘vulgar thumbs-up.’ 

Following an emergency committee meeting, it was agreed that ‘appropriate driver etiquette regulations’, would be issued to prospective SUV drivers. Included in this was: forcing your way out of junctions, cutting up vehicles on roundabouts, undertaking on motorways and speeding up, if a pedestrian was attempting to cross the road. 

Initially unaware of his ‘faux-pas’, Napton issued an apology stating, ‘I promise to make amends for my wrongdoings. Today, I made a start by parking across two parking bays, in a busy car park, then in a disabled bay at the supermarket.’ 

Are you sure you should park your SUV here?

Responding to the statement, the SUV alliance agreed to ‘uphold Napton’s membership’, on the understanding that he ‘avidly endorse all further protocols.’ 

A spokesperson confirmed, ‘Without taking a firm stance, we risk losing our bourgeois edge. Whatever next? Thanking bus-drivers?!’ 

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By Lady Tamsyn Marie

Lady Tamsyn Marie elegant, charming and more vicious than Mary Poppins

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!