Tue. Nov 24th, 2020
It's all a sham

“I just wasn’t being honest with myself, my family and friends, or the public. I’ve known about this for some time now. It’s time to admit to everyone that although I’ve been on television for 27 years, I’ve contributed nothing of any significant cultural value.

Working all those years with Gordon The Gopher, Fern and then Holly, presenting awards shows, receiving awards and then finally cashing in by doing adverts for webuyanycar.com, it’s achieved nothing. 

Attenborough’s changing the climate, Palin took us around the world. Even someone like Gary Lineker can say he explains VAR. But I can point to nothing. It’s time to be honest with people, admit it’s all been a waste of time and accept a payrise or do some more adverts.”

VAR
How does this work?

Schofield says his family, colleagues and the public have been very supportive. “Steph and the girls have been amazing. I think they’ve known all along that my career was a sham, and I know they’ll help me rebuild my life. I’m still on ITV, I’m not ready for a new contract with another channel yet.”

Questions were immediately asked as to the value of Holly Willoughby’s career in broadcasting. A spokesman for ITV said, “Holly continues to have our full support in her career as a presenter, shampoo advertiser and all-round nice person.”

It’s Head and Shoulders above the rest! says Holly

Meanwhile, the public continues to tune in and enter competitions during the commercial breaks.


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By Colin

Colin is one of our more experienced writers, he is very fond of a cup of tea, a bourbon biscuit and a bit of a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Been noted to express disapproval with a hrrump!

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!