Thu. Jun 24th, 2021
Skye Nation buys a coffee

Millennial hipster, Skye Nation, was being comforted by friends after undergoing a traumatic coffee buying experience in the multi-national drinks chain, Café Costabucks.

Trouble started when his favourite trendy bespoke coffee shop was closed, due to a ‘pop-up muffin’ day. Skye was unable to attend due to his gluten sensitivity.

Coffee shop closed
Sorry we are not serving over-priced coffee

Used to very personal service, Skye was disappointed when the staff in Costabucks didn’t know his name. “How is that good customer care? I know I’ve never been there before but a big chain should have done their research. When I ordered my usual, the staff looked at me blankly. I actually had to tell my server that I wanted a double, decaffeinated, espresso!”

Hipster Twat

Matters worsened when he was forced to correct the spelling on his cup, his server had spelt Skye without an E. “It’s just too much, I felt my barista was mocking me. He didn’t even have a beard and his trousers reached his shoes, it was awful.”

Ian Napton for Costabucks said, “He ordered a double decaffeinated espresso, FFS! We shouldn’t sell it but these hipsters keep coming in and ordering it. Idiots, the lot of them.”

FFS! idiots, the lot of ’em

Concordant self-identifiers among the hipperatti, said they were mounting a Facebook campaign, to highlight the daily suffering and discrimination hipsters face.  They’re demanding that all coffee shop staff know their name and have at least one non-gendered bearded server wearing a check shirt, or they will boycott the store.

“Good” said Mr Napton.

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By The Crown Prince

As you can see from his regal bearing his majesty is a fine specimen of ape hood. By way of disclaimer any suggestion of parties involving a Prince of the Realm are unfounded.

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