Daily Express Editor dies after suffering a prolonged orgasm brought on by the arrival of winter snow in the UK
Man stockpiles his own ’emissions’ as gas shortages mount
This could open new job opportunities in gas creation. Imagine hundreds of middle aged men spending all day drinking beer and eating curry. Heaven,
Unlike Gavin, can you tell if this man plays rugby or football?
The man can’t tell the difference between rugby and football, it’s outrageous. It’s just not cricket!
As Cummings goes, the Twatter porn censor algorithm is relieved
Once people realised that Twatter censored Cummings, then they started varying the spelling, that was when things really got out of control.
Scottish Government’s job search App says “Yer Da Sells Avon!”
Selling Avon is opening so many doors! Have you seen our new concealer? I use it myself.
Big rock misses the Earth by 300 million miles
Everyday millions of tons of space rock, debris and old Tesla’s fly past the Earth. It’s nothing to be worried about.
Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping
Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will all be back on the bloody doorstep, clapping
Apple are the big winners as Huawei lose Voice of God contract
Old Harry from Huawei says “this is either. a plot to discredit a fine upstanding organisation, racism or none of your bloody business”
Stay Alert and keep 2 metres away from The Daily Mail
If you are accidently exposed to The Daily Mail, please contact the authorities and book counselling, pictures of puppies may alleviate your distress.
Premier League season to be finished using Subbuteo
Subbuteo, where players can’t fall down, the ref’s word is law and there is an awful lot of flicking going on.
God, the Big G, the Lad Himself, has decided to self-isolate
The Big G has self-isolated, his Doctor insists it is merely a precaution. The faithful would pray for him but ….
Netflix to buy ITV 1970s comedy, Crossroads and Mrs Brown’s Boys
When it comes to providing the quality streaming tv we won’t be beaten says Netflix executive