County Councils and privately run fitness centres across the UK are cock-a-hoop about the discovery of Brian Douglas turning into a superhero from consuming large amounts of imported American chlorinated chicken. 

News travelled fast after the 40 year old offered his services to Rutland County Council to clean the swimming pool at Catmose Sports Centre in Oakham, Rutland. 

Brian explained… “now the government have lowered the food standards to the point one can literally eat food cooked in excrement if desired, I started eating copious amounts of the much cheaper imported USA chicken” 

He continued… “I found I developed this amazing power to chlorinate and clean water by turning the mucky water crystal clear whilst having a bath after coming home from my mud wrestling class” 

In stating his appreciation of Brian’s new found money saving capabilities, Rutland County Council Leader Oliver Helmsley said… “We did consider putting up a statue in his honour but decided that was not appropriate after discovering he went to a fancy dress party as an African tribal chief 20 years ago” 

Brian stated his only regrets were constantly smelling like an industrial cleaning solution, and his hair turning the same colour as US President Donald Trump, making him look like a “bit of a bell end”

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