Following the death of George Floyd and the ensuing worldwide anti-racist protests, the Government will make all white supremacist organisations illegal. From Monday, membership of an elite, discriminatory, whites-only organisation will become a criminal offence.

Unfortunately, Boris Johnson’s failure to read the briefing paper, means the list of proscribed organisations includes; Eton, Oxford University, Dulwich College, The Royal Family and the Association of Chief Police Officers. When The Prime Minister found out he allegedly said, “Oh Bollocks! Chuffy, my old house-master is going to have a fit!” before adding “Right, who can I blame it on?”

Under the new legislation membership of any such organisation is punishable by a prison sentence, a fine and forfeiture of assets. The Queen is particularly annoyed, as she is rather fond of her collection of palaces. Prince Charles commented, “I’m never going to be King, am I?”
The news for Nigel Farage is mixed, Dulwich College will have to close. On the plus side, The Brexit Party can continue as their members give everyone ’such a good laugh’.
The move was welcomed by anti-racism campaigners, who said ‘this Is a giant step forward by a civilised society, looking forward to advancing humanities cause for the common good.’ Millwall fans responded, saying it was “a load of old bollocks”. The BBC confirmed that they expect this week’s Question Time to resemble an episode of Jerry Springer, which should be great for the ratings.

Meanwhile, the government continues.
Why not pop over to chattychimp.com for some satirically themed goodies?
Hunt hails ‘historic’ budget as he unveils free doggy day care for all
Free doggy day care and some other rubbish about pension benefits for the rich and the workhouse for the sick, disabled and over-fifties.
Waitrose opens a Tory Refugee Centre in Guilford
Right-whingers have become an oppressed minority and they need somewhere safe to be racist, sexist homophobic royalists.
BBC makes a Schrödinger’s Apology to St Gary of Lineker
When is an apology not an apology? “Usually when you have done something wrong!” Says Sigmund F
Categories:Monkey News