Monkey News

Eton, Oxford and The Royal Family outlawed as White Supremacist Groups

Following the death of George Floyd and the ensuing worldwide anti-racist protests, the Government will make all white supremacist organisations illegal. From Monday, membership of an elite, discriminatory, whites-only organisation will become a criminal offence.

We welcome the modern world, with all of its diversity!

Unfortunately, Boris Johnson’s failure to read the briefing paper, means the list of proscribed organisations includes; Eton, Oxford University, Dulwich College, The Royal Family and the Association of Chief Police Officers. When The Prime Minister found out he allegedly said, “Oh Bollocks! Chuffy, my old house-master is going to have a fit!” before adding “Right, who can I blame it on?”

University to offer Degree in GoT
Oxford University, the university of the people

Under the new legislation membership of any such organisation is punishable by a prison sentence, a fine and forfeiture of assets. The Queen is particularly annoyed, as she is rather fond of her collection of palaces. Prince Charles commented, “I’m never going to be King, am I?”

The news for Nigel Farage is mixed, Dulwich College will have to close. On the plus side, The Brexit Party can continue as their members give everyone ’such a good laugh’.

The move was welcomed by anti-racism campaigners, who said ‘this Is a giant step forward by a civilised society, looking forward to advancing humanities cause for the common good.’ Millwall fans responded, saying it was “a load of old bollocks”. The BBC confirmed that they expect this week’s Question Time to resemble an episode of Jerry Springer, which should be great for the ratings.

a load of old bollocks!

Meanwhile, the government continues.

Why not pop over to for some satirically themed goodies?

Yes, you are

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