Tue. Nov 24th, 2020
The Truth is wayyyy out there

A dispute is raging over The Truth. Alien Conspiracy Theorists and Libertarian Anti-Foilers are fighting over the wearing of tin foil hats to protect against alien mind probes. The issue came to a foil wrapped head, when the Conspiracists got into an argument with Flat Earthers over the origin of their theory.

The Conspiracists suggested that the ‘Flatties’ had been hoodwinked into believing the earth is flat by aliens using mind control from orbit. They protested outside a Flat Earth convention trying to persuade the Flatties to wear tin foil hats to block the alien mind control signals.

Us Flatties were just minding our own business, when the Conspiricists turned up and started berating us: It just pushed us over the edge.”

Flat Earther Convention Delegate

The Anti-Foilers were outraged on behalf of the Conspiricists: They say wearing metallic millinery should be down to personal choice and the Flatties are old enough to decide if they want to be probed.

Dose ****** Conspiracists are taking a right bleedin’ civil liberty; I didn’t fight and die in two world wars so they could just say wat they fink.

Anti-Foiler and Reincarnationist

Using a baby monitor and and empty pringles tube antenna, the Chimp contacted the Supreme Commander of the alien exploration fleet and got an exclusive interview:

“Yes, the Earth is spherical and we are in orbit. No, the truth is that we aren’t interested in dominating you; that is a kink we’ll leave to the indulgence of your parliamentarians.

We are here largely out of curiosity that you strategically shaved apes haven’t blown yourselves to smithereens yet.”

We considered using mind probes to give you a friendly nudge, but we failed to find one of your political leaders with a mind coherent enough to probe.

Yerg Seyegib, Supreme Commander of the Galactic Neighbourhood Watch

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A Flat Earth carried on the backs of four elephants, on a giant turtle
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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!