The Department of Education believes it has discovered the cause of the exam fiasco. Following a thorough and robust five minute enquiry, the tea lady, Gillian Napton (58), was held responsible.

A Minister took to the One Show to explain.

It’s very simple. We had a meeting about the algorithm, and the tea lady brought in tea and biscuits. Well, it turns out she put Earl Grey into the pot, instead of Twinnings. The resulting uproar meant we completely lost our thread, and everyone missed the bit about the algorithm adversely affecting the ‘poor and disadvantaged’. It was just a storm in a tea-cup.

Mr Lickspittle, Junior Education Minister

Boris Johnson confirmed that the matter was closed. “It can’t be the Ministers fault, you can’t expect someone with no experience or understanding of education to take responsibility for his department. A chap has to rely on people doing their jobs properly and making sure that there is always someone else to blame. Although these people are getting harder to find, and the price is going up.”

Gillian Napton has accepted full responsibility for the exam fiasco. She was unavailable for comment as she has just moved to a Four Bedroom detached house in the Cotswolds, bought the most delightful French farmhouse and taken delivery of a new car.

Meanwhile, the Government continues.   

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