Monkey News

Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping

Boris Johnson is reintroducing lockdown as the threat of a return to doorstep clapping increases.

Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will find ourselves back on the doorstep, clapping for nurses and key workers. No one wants to go through that again, not with winter approaching.

Boris Johnson, noted clapper

Under the latest guidelines, people must go out, as long as they stay in. They can go to work, providing the work is done in a city-centre office, in their back bedroom. Groups of 4, 6 or 20,000 can meet, depending on whether they are attending a shop, pub, restaurant, football match or The St Ledger.

While going to work is encouraged, attending; funerals, weddings, birthdays, and sick relatives is illegal. Young people are not permitted to gather in groups. It’s their blatant disregard for the rules that is causing a spike in the number of infections. Unless, of course, they are in school, university or working as an unpaid intern in the House of Commons; all of which is perfectly safe.

The rules are quite clear. However, just in case they are not, testing will be made impossible, so no one knows how bad the situation is.

Calamity Hancock, Health Secretary

A Government statement confirmed that even if there is an increase in demand on the NHS, under no circumstances are old people to be allowed to walk around their garden highlighting the shortfall in the government’s funding of the health service.

Look, if we have another round of clapping for the NHS there’s a real chance government support will collapse and we will start having to treat key workers, decently; by making sure they can afford to live. Now that would be a real disaster.

Michael Gove, Anonymous Source

Meanwhile, Corona Virus and the Government, continues,

Categories:Monkey News, Politics

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