The Covert Cohort of Hegemonic Quidamity (CCHQ) has devised a campaign to keep people safe from COVID-19. The scheme suggests that people eschew their cars, bikes or public transport and instead use a Zorb ball for the daily commute, or to socialise in outdoor spaces.

Its a fantastically simple concept. The Zorbing ball is a naturally self-isolating space that can easily be fitted with an air filtration device in the access tube. Someone in a Zorbing ball is atmospherically isolated from others and is automatically socially distanced, but still free to interact.

Zorba The Greek, oddly skilled government misfit.

Plans are being drawn up for “Zorbing lanes” on all major road and motorways and a study is underway to address the effect of strong winds:

“Care must be taken to avoid Zorbers being blown out of their carriageway into the path of other vehicles. We also recommend that people avoid eating curry or brussels sprouts if they intend to Zorb shortly after”. – Herr Doktor Stark Fahrt, Government research scientist.

Critics of the scheme say that the state of British Highways will make the scheme impractical because our atrocious road surfaces and potholes will puncture a Zorb ball.

There will be punctured Zorbing balls flying around everywhere like rogue party balloons. The UK will reverberate to the ripping sound of giant whoopie cushion generated raspberries. Which, if nothing else, should resonate with the Government

Jeremy Clarkson, Self-styled know-it-all