In a surprise move, the good burghers of Uxbridge held a town meeting to reselect the biggest idiot in the Village. Following heated debates, the Flaming Torch and Pitchfork Wielders of Uxbridge decided Boris Johnson was the idiot for them.  

The entry criteria for the position were quite broad. The committee deemed it unnecessary for idiots to live in Uxbridge but merely to have visited there within the last five years; Boris stumbled into the area in 2015. Although he was three years too early, the judges appreciated his commitment to idiocy and counted this in his favour. After all, you don’t want any idiot turning up.  

“When we looked at the candidates, it was clear that we wouldn’t find anyone more divorced from reality than Bozo Boris. His ability to ignore the blindingly obvious and turn it into a comic opera is second to none. The poor fellow can’t recall holding multiple parties in his own house! He can’t remember to keep his hands off any passing female, how many children he has or how much money he earns; what a klutz! He only knows he’s lying when he gets caught!” Said Giles Giles-Napton (Cons).

The Blonde Balloon’s commitment to idiocy was confirmed when he publically admitted that he was a complete dunderhead. He only knows he is breaking the law if another idiot tells him! Genius.

Meanwhile, the National Institute of Twittery released a statement saying how empowering this was for other idiots. It shows that anyone with limited capacity can rise to high office, and one day, it may be the only qualification any idiot needs.

They added that they have high hopes for Dominic Raab, who has been showing some fine form in the “Idiot of the Year” contest. “We hope that one day, he could be another Chris Grayling!” said one official idiot. Those are high hopes indeed.

It wasn’t all good news; the intelligent, educated and informed naysayers lambasted the people of Great Britain for putting up with this nonsense and asked them not to be fooled again.

“The idiot should have stood for the Monster Raving Loony, but he was too idiotic for them.” Said Coco The Clown.  

Unfortunately, the leader of the Labour Party was unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, your government continues.