Monkey News

Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the sneakiest one of all?

Following the success of their Ice Dance Spectacular, the government is preparing a Christmas Pantomime adaptation of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs called the Priti Princess and the Feckless Five.

The rule of six necessitated downsizing to five new dwarfs: Gropey, Dunc, Baleful, Sleazy and Creepy. There is no role for Happy in this team, though we tried hard to keep Grumpy.

Onda Couch, Casting Director

The story is not faithful to the original, which is a familiar concept for the actors: The Princess is sent by her parents to live with the dwarfs and under her leadership they cut down half the forest and mine for Bitcoins. Then the trouble starts.

Boris Johnson is being trailed as the Wicked Witch King. This is the scene with the Daily Mirror.

“Daily Mirror, on the wall; who’s the most treacherous of them all?”
“There is one, whose perfidy eclipses even yours.”
“Who, who; It’s Gove again isn’t it?”
“Dom? Are you sure? What should I do?”
“You must infect his Apple with a virus.”
“What? Give his Granny Smith a dose of COVID?”
“NO, you bloody idiot; install spyware on his iPhone”

As with most government projects, the script is still in development and planning is not complete. However, the supplier contracts have been signed and money is being thrown at the pantomime to make it a Christmas we’ll never forget. No matter how hard we try.

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