In a surprise announcement, a spokesman for the Dark Lord and Devourer of Souls explained the Lord of The Infernal would have to decline a position in Trump’s cabinet of curiosities.

“Having reviewed Ronald Trump’s offer, Beelzebub feels he is not the right man for the job. Lucifer would like to thank President Trump for his consideration and wishes him well for the future.”

Asked why the Fallen Angel was declining such a prestigious role, the mouthpiece added.

“Well, mainly, it’s because the Lord of the Infernal is not that evil.”

Whilst it seems Satan is comfortable with torturing the souls of the damned for all eternity, after all, it is his job. The banal, low-grade nastiness inherent in Trump is simply beyond him.

“You have to be a proper cu*t to want to separate children from their mothers, deny healthcare to the sick, steal food from the poor and allow the rich and powerful to rape, rob and pillage on a wholesale basis. And, as if that is not enough, you turn these people into heroes.”

“Ok, so Satan is ok with having you flayed with a rusty fish knife on a daily basis; he draws the line at denying a young woman who has been raped by her father an abortion. Although, the younger demons and imps will enjoy raping the abuser. Perhaps, they should consider Jesus for the job?”

Understandably, the President-Elect was disappointed.

“Look, Satan is just this guy. Ok, he’s quite a big guy; in fact, he’s the biggliest guy. With him in the cabinet, it would have been the bestest cabinet. We’d have all got rich, started a war and filled the prisons. It’s perfect. You know our prisons are privately owned? Yes, they are great. And if they hadn’t given me loads, I’d buy some of their stock; I’ve got the best prisons. Anyway, who is this Jesus guy? Can we get him? He’s not Mexican, is he?”

Meanwhile, Satan’s supporters were relieved. “It’s hard enough being a Satanist these days, but I wouldn’t be able to show my face at the ritual sacrifice if Old Harry was friends with Trump.”

It seems that associating with the Orange Balloon would damage Prince of Darkness’s’ brand image.

Meanwhile, rich and powerful white men continue to run the world.