Monkey News

Hunt hails ‘historic’ budget as he unveils free doggy day care for all

Reich’s Chancellor Jeremy Hunt has hailed his spring budget as a “historic” moment for the UK economy, as he unveiled a raft of measures to boost growth and tackle inflation.

In a speech labelled one of the funniest ever heard in the House of Commons, Mr Hunt had them rolling in the aisles with the claim that the UK economy would avoid recession thanks to his “prudent and responsible” fiscal policies.

He also announced measures to get people back to work. Having identified that people would rather stay home with their dogs than go to work, he announced free daycare for British dogs!

“This is a budget for families, workers and furry friends,” he said. “We recognise that dogs are not just pets, but part of the family. That’s why we are investing £1 billion to provide free doggy day care for all households in England.”

Mr Hunt said the scheme would help the economy grow by creating thousands of jobs in the canine sector.

“Dogs are proven to reduce stress, loneliness and depression; they are much nicer than people. This initiative is a sure fire vote winner “woof, woof”, everyone loves a doggy!”  

He added something about rich people getting tax breaks on their pensions and getting the disabled and over-fifties into the workhouse before returning to the subject of dogs!

However, opposition parties and financial experts criticised Mr Hunt’s budget, claiming he is out of touch with reality and away with the fairies.