Sat. Oct 31st, 2020
Vote Chair

After appearing on Sky News this week, huge public support has inspired a local office chair to run for the General Election.

Alan Whickham-Smythe, the IKEA office chair and employee of Sky News, has announced that it will be running for the Independent “Oh sit down, Oh sit down, Sit down next to me” Party in the election following its starring role on the news when prominent Tory MP James Cleverly failed to sit on it. Instead, Whickham-Smythe has vowed to provide support for the country in any way possible with its two-armed swivel approach to politics.

We approached the chair for comment, but being an inanimate object, found that it couldn’t. Curiously, however, we have received more coherence from it regarding the General Election than from the Lib Dems.

Inspired by Alan the Chair’s bold move, also joining the General Election is Ian Maxwell-Barting – a floor-lamp of little significance who is standing in for the ‘Too bright during the day but too dark at night’ Party; Phillipa Miller – one half of a pantomime horse and prominent Tory councillor for Chiswick; and Peter Corridor – Lib Dem and passageway in a University Campus.

Kay Burley, who introduced Alan the Chair to an unsuspecting world, told us this morning: “I’m very happy that Alan has finally pulled himself out from being a simple piece of furniture to pursuing political success, but I’m also a bit miffed because I’ll need to go back to IKEA and buy a new chair.”

On the subject of being less successful than a piece of office furniture, the absent Mr Cleverly has stated that he is “deeply saddened” but “not surprised”.

Alan the Chair has decreed that not only will he stand for the rights of the people, but he’ll sit for them too.



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By Eden Luke McIntyre

Eden Luke McIntyre is a script writer, editor, sketch writer/performer, radio producer and all round scrivener. If you've any little job, project or gig that may utilise his talents ping an email to edenluke@chattychimp.co

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