In an unusual move, a 58 year old Wiltshire man has put himself up for adoption.

“Most of my family are dead now and my kids don’t even know my name,” Alan Smith, from Chippenham, told us. “Admittedly, that’s because I routinely change it by deed poll every six months to keep the buggers at arms length.”

“All I want is a nice place to live, a comfy chair with a cosy blanket, a constantly boiling kettle, a plate of cheese and biscuits at lunchtime, a nap in the afternoon and someone to argue pointlessly about the government with. I’m not asking much. Oh, and they’ll have to put me on the plane to Switzerland when the time comes, too, of course.”

Eschewing the more traditional route of living in a care home, Smith said, “I’d rather be chucked in a skip.”

“I’m sick of being in charge. Someone else can look after me for a change. They can pay the bloody bills, too. I’ve done my bit.”

Asked who he thought might be willing to adopt a 58-year-old miserable git, Smith said, “Somebody who needs a really good laugh.”

Potential adopters, who should ideally live in a south coast seaside town, must apply to Wiltshire County Council. In the event two or more families come forward to adopt, a draw will take place to decide the unlucky winner.

Meanwhile, Alan Smith wishes it to be known that he is now called Leon Gallagher.