Submission Guidelines

We are an online, topical, poo-flinging, satirical news site, looking to carve out our little niche on the internet.

Currently, our troop is made up of writers, authors and contributors with very different levels of experience, from professionals to complete amateurs just having a laugh.

At the moment we are finding our voice, our tone and you can help us.

If you are a seasoned professional you will already know the score and we would welcome your help, experience and any feedback you can give us.

However if, like us you are starting out, then give it a go. We will be kind, we want to encourage people new to writing. Several of us started out by sending in satirical stories to online papers, just to see if they could get published. They did, it was fun so they decided to carry on.

As for fame, fortune and what not. There really isn’t any. We’ve no income, we’re not operating on a commercial basis so paying anyone is not currently an option. This may change in the future, we would like to ultimately pay contributors but realistically it will not be anytime soon.

So, if you fancy writing under a pseudonym (or even your real name), and for no pay this may be the gig for you.

There is satisfaction in having your work published. You can, of course claim the credit on anything you publish here and cite yourself as a published writer.

It is a grand way to take the piss, it becomes addictive and for those of us fed up with many things in the modern world it serves as a form of therapy. Sometimes the only weapon with which we can kick back, is ridicule.

Anyway, here are some helpful hints for submitting written work to The Chatty Chimp.

SEND YOUR STORY TO:  thechattychimp@gmail.com

All submissions will be read.

Any submission should be your own work and not nicked from the internet. Chatty Chimps regularly trawl the interweb, whilst pursuing lavatorial activity and are likely to spot copying. You wouldn’t want your work copied so don’t copy someone else’s.

Don’t include a photo with written articles. Image rights are problematic enough and we need to ensure all images used are copyright free.

Include the name you want your article to appear under at the end of your piece. You can use your own, or make one up if you prefer. If you have a website, you can include a link.

Bear in mind we may repost your article, or headline, on social media.

Articles should be no longer than 300 words.

As to writing style, that is down to you. Remember, try to make the headline punchy, funny and tell the story. With their short attention spans many readers, won’t go much further.

Avoid silly names or saying ‘The Chatty Chimp believes’, these rarely add to a good story.

If it takes two paragraphs to set up a punchline, scrap the joke.

A wise old soul told us “Revealing someone to be a twat is funny, calling someone a twat (no matter how good it feels) is not.” In other words take this piss out of what they do, not what they were born with. As an example, it would be ok to rip the piss out of the author’s writing, spelling and grammar but not his exceedingly tiny winkie.

It helps to write a story, leave it a while and come back to it. If possible get someone else to read it before sending it off.

Don’t be disgruntled if it doesn’t go in straightaway, there may be many reasons. Sometimes we get several stories on the same subject, sometimes there are too many other good stories and sometimes the sub-ed may have had too much fermented banana juice the night before. The important thing is not to give up. Those of us who have work regularly published still have work we consider to be fantastic, rejected and ignored. It’s the way of it.

It should go with out saying, but anything you submit to us is ours to do with as we please. 

Most importantly, SEND YOUR STORY TO:  thechattychimp@gmail.com