A leaked copy of the Conservative Party Manifesto for the forthcoming General Election has revealed that Bob The Builder has been acting as a Consultant to the Policy Team and Senior Adviser to Boris Johnson.

The Manifesto’s central theme is “mindless optimism.” Can we fix it? Yes we can!

Light on actual policy details, the Manifesto is laden with references to sweeping away “doomsters and gloomsters” and as the pages turn, we are led to the Tory Promised Land on the final page where everyone who matters is rich and votes Tory. It’s a rip-roaring read. Will Saj’s Money Tree Policy pay for all of these policy promises?

Can we fix the NHS? Yes we can!

Can we make the better off a bit wealthier? Yes we can!

Can we re-employ the police officers we did away with previously? Yes we can!

Can we afford a nice war or two when Mr Trump needs a hand? Yes we can! 

It’s a real political sabre-rattling read and takes us forward to a country where every Tory Party member is a well-served citizen, where not having enough MPs to form a Government doesn’t matter and where every Party Member has that glowing warm expectation that the Party will vote at Conference for the reintroduction of the death penalty. Can we vote on it? Yes we can!

Meanwhile, even at seemingly beyond the eleventh hour, Brexit continues. Can we fix it? 

“Bob? Bob? Where’s he gone? Bob! Can we fix Brexit?”

“Er….”