The debut of the first female Dr Who is uniting feminists and masculists alike in the knowledge that the Thirteenth Doctor is the best yet, or a betrayal of the fundamental artistic tenets of the series, depending on whatever opinion was already held.

“Jodie’s quite obviously taking the role to places no man could,” said Elena Meikle of Ballymena. “Although I haven’t seen any of the actual series yet since it hasn’t been broadcast, she’s had to fight twice as hard to get this role just because she doesn’t have a dick. And so it makes sense that she’ll be twice as good.”

Terry Phelan said he completely agreed with Meikle that his own prejudices had been proved right once again. “Dr Who is a Time LORD, right, not a Time LADY. So although I haven’t seen any of the footage either and I’m sure Jodie does her best, it’s got to be a disappointment. I mean, how about replacing Poldark with some broad – see how the feminazis squeal then, eh?”

“Phelan is demonstrably a bell-end. And what the fuck is a ‘masculist’ anyway?” Meikle responded.

Neither was planning to watch the actual broadcast since they were both right already.