Seven billion people have agreed that President Donald Trump would make a suitable guinea pig for a new scientific experiment in which Domestos is injected into an elderly person to see if it helps stave Coronavirus off or not.
Gianni Napatone, from Rome, told us, “We have had a terrible time in Italy. Mr Trump has some new ideas for treating this terrible disease and we can think of no finer politician to step forward as the first person to try the treatment.”
In America, Billy Bob Napton told us, “It’s a great idea. It might even turn his hair and skin back to their normal colours.”
The President has courted controversy through his handling of the virus, referring to it as “the Chinese virus, and “not my responsibility.” In a Presidential election year in which he might have been expected to see off the Democrats with customary swagger, a disease rampaging through the electorate might become an inconvenience, Blaming it on the Chinese might only work in the most Republican-leaning states, where, ironically, killing people with poisonous drugs is actively encouraged and applauded.
A spokesman for Reckitt Benckiser, the manufacturer of Domestos, pleaded, “Please don’t try this at home. We go to extraordinary lengths even in normal times to stop people misusing our products. Please don’t listen to this orange imbecile.”
Meanwhile, America continues.
Uxbridge chooses Boris Johnson as their Village Idiot
Boris is such an idiot that he struggles to find Uxbridge on a map, let alone visit the place.
Hunt hails ‘historic’ budget as he unveils free doggy day care for all
Free doggy day care and some other rubbish about pension benefits for the rich and the workhouse for the sick, disabled and over-fifties.
Waitrose opens a Tory Refugee Centre in Guilford
Right-whingers have become an oppressed minority and they need somewhere safe to be racist, sexist homophobic royalists.
Categories:Monkey Business, Monkey News
The Chatty Chimp 