Our Monkey Business team have been looking at FB’s announcement that Mr Z will have to pay, HMRC, Three Times as much in Tax Revenue this year, and they’ve declared ‘Shenanigans’.
Apparently FB has been saddled with a massive tax liability of absolutely bugger all, which after deductions, credits, re-calculation, appeal and an allowance for death will be reduced to f**k all.
Arnold Crane, speaking for FB’s Tax Avoidance Department, “Mr Z doesn’t like to pay any tax. Our job is to make sure we keep all the money we make, and we are very good at it.”
He went on to add, “Although the headlines appear to say we’re paying money to HMRC, they’re a bit misleading. We won’t be handing any of the folding over, in fact, once the final figure is settled we will probably get a refund.”
We put it to FB’s representative that, “Your global revenue for last year was £31 Billion, with profit of £15 Billion, in the UK your directly taxable revenue was £1.27 Billion. How do you justify paying bugger all tax?”
His response was surprising, “It’s very simple, your government doesn’t like to tax rich people. We have not done anything that isn’t in the rules. It’s all perfectly legal.”
A tax official told us, “Yes, they’re quite right, this government really don’t like taxing rich people.”
So next time you sit there looking at lovely pictures of Little Johnny, or someone bets ‘you won’t share this message because you’re not a real friend’, remember you’re all still working for Mr Z. It really is Monkey Business.