Monkey Business

Tommy Robinson takes over as Director of Gammontry at Aryan Air

After Aryan Air, inadvertently, allowed a black man to board their flight from Gatwick to Dublin, the airline has decided an image make over is needed. In an attempt to reinforce their traditional cultural values, Aryan Air has appointed a new Director, Tommy Robinson.

In a move designed to appeal to Gammons, Tommy will take responsibility for the company’s image, with the aim of increasing the number of Gammons flying Aryan Air. He’ll promote budget travel to traditional English destinations; Luton, Newcastle, Manchester, Margate and Torremolinos.

He was quick to bring in his new regime.

The drinks trolley has been converted to Stella.  Crisps are restricted to Salt & Vinegar and Cheese & Onion. Newspapers will be restricted to The Sun and The Daily Mail, and there will be a wide selection of colouring books and edible crayons for bored passengers.

The Aryan Air staff livery is to be changed to Black Shirt, Black Trousers, Black Boots all adorned with a silver eagle’s head and the new company slogan will be “Proud to be Aryan”.

Staff will receive daily briefings and inspiring messages from their new leader. Attendance will be mandatory and there will be testing. Anyone who doesn’t reach the company standard will be required to visit one of the company’s re-education centres, where the cost will be deducted from their pay.

Remuneration was, initially, an issue, but Aryan Air decided you can’t put too high a price on principles and were keen to offer Tommy what ever he wanted. He accepted.

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