Top Shop, this week, reveal their revolutionary new lines. Under the guidance of the exciting young designer, Tara Tara, they have revolutionised their range and gambled on significant changes in fashion.

Mayanna Schmidt, Top Shop’s social media liaison and key influencer, said, “Over the last couple of years we’ve seen that nationalism, patriotism, the military and the super-rich privileged elite have become on trend. Our new range reflects these changes in key social values.” 

The new range draws heavily on the country’s military heritage, mixing it with the opulence and entitlement that only comes from royalty.

Whilst the Ladies range sticks to pale pastels, lose shapes and nice hats, the Gentleman’s Collection goes for a vivid reds, tri-corn hats and a range of accessories.

Retailers tend to avoid over-accessorising men’s outfits as men, traditionally, prefer a simpler look but Top Shop sees this changing, bringing a lucrative market in braid, medals, sashes and trinkets.

“As the hipster age ends we see the introduction of the clean shaven, immaculately presented military uniform as a reflected psychological desire for a more ordered world.” said Mayanna.

In a stroke of good fortune, it was the unexpected signing of The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh to the campaign that led the group to diversify away from their traditional youth market and move into GILF fashion.

The new underwear collection, Lizzie’s Leather & Lace, has certainly attracted the attention of Prince Philip. Whilst the Lady’s Collection may appear staid and conservative on the outside, it is a lot racier ‘below stairs’.

As Her Majesty said, “If one can’t shop at Top Shop, who can?”

Top Shop shares rose on early trading but have since plummeted, leading one trader to comment,”WTF?”