The FA have announced an investigation into the World’s Worst Spy, found outside Derby County’s training ground looking at a fence and revealed to be a member of Leeds United staff.
This action potentially contravenes FA rule 4643-B, “No club shall force staff to watch a Frank Lampard training session.”, as well as rule 4115-C, “No manager shall try to cover up morally dubious actions by admitting them on national TV, or BT Sport.”.
Whether or not Leeds defend these charges is, as yet, unclear, but an FA spokesperson has suggested it would be futile, “They really have no defence. They employed the man, that much is clear. The man was standing by or near a fence, that too is unequivocal. As for admitting that ‘Every club does it’, we don’t believe that. Who’d waste time watching Frank Lampard’s or Colin’s training sessions?”
Regarding the confession, the FA said, “We’ve had Bielsa’s t’English translated and he clearly said ‘Of course we did it, everyone does it. Fences are beautiful if you catch them in the winter sunlight.'”
Asked whether either of these charges were enough to result in a points deduction for the club, the FA said, “You can’t go around admitting you are making people watch Derby, that’s cruel and unusual punishment. Staff need to be protected. This is 2019 and everyone still hates Leeds, no matter how good they are, so there’s bound to be a punishment.”